Does Size Matter?

Guys, I completed one of my 2015 Reading Resolutions just in time to start thinking about 2016’s … but I’m getting ahead of myself.

I finally finished Stephen King’s It. I feel a new kind of emptiness inside and my right eyelid has been twitching for the past couple of days (and I thought Chuck Palahniuk wrote some twisted stuff). That old terror of reality is coming to get me, more frightening than any supernatural evil, but I did finish.

I decided to give myself the entire month of October to read It because it’s huge and because I’d finish on Halloween. Spooooooky! I have to say it’s one of the most complete novels I’ve ever read. Some of the book’s detractors may say that there’s too much detail about the history of a fictional town, but it made the whole experience feel more real. I wanted to go on adventures with the kids in the book and I wanted to be with them when they finally faced off with It, which I can only describe as mind-bendingly far out. The made-for-television adaptation is really like a trailer for the book. There’s only so much of the novel that could conceivably be crammed into just over three hours. Some of the novel—like the showdowns with It—are so unfathomably conceptual that they might be unfilmable. Such scenes are better existing only in your mind, if your mind can handle them.

It consumed me and took over my subconscious for a several days. I had nightmares about my friends dying pretty regularly while I read it, but on the night I finished it, my dreams were beatific. I didn’t remember specifics upon waking, but I felt at peace.

The novel is a big hulking thing, more weapon than book, that sat on my bookshelf in three different apartments over five years, a towering 1138-page monolith. I felt a new kind of accomplishment when I turned the final page, and finishing it endowed me with the confidence that I could start and—more importantly—finish other long books.

(Please note: When I talk about length, I’m talking about number of pages, not number of words, even though number of words is more accurate.)

For years I’ve been putting off reading some long books, like Michael Chabon’s The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay. For some reason I thought it was around 1000 pages, but it’s a paltry 639. Ernest Hemingway‘s For Whom the Bell Tolls and John Steinbeck’s East of Eden are practically novellas at barely 500 and 600 pages, respectively. And Moby-Dick? Herman Melville’s classic allegorical tale, which I always thought was much longer (like Kavalier & Clay), comes in at 625. Haruki Murakami‘s 1Q84? That’s closer to It at 925. What about Gone with the Wind? Margaret Mitchell gets even closer at 1037 pages. War and Peace? Tolstoy’s tome tips the scales at a whopping 1386 pages.

Some of these look downright scrawny next to It.

That sweet, sweet thickness.

It isn’t even King’s longest novel; The Stand holds that honor at 1153 pages.

There are, of course, plenty of articles and listicles about the longest novels, some of which are in our catalog, like:  Joseph and His Brothers (1207 pages), Clarissa, or, The History of a Young Lady (1533) or The Man Without Qualities (1774).

But does size really matter? I’ve read long books that were awful, like the 756-page Breaking Dawn (don’t judge—I was in college, trying to impress a girl) right along with short books that were awful (like The Train from Pittsburgh). Likewise, I’ve read short books that were fantastic (like the 295-page Me and Earl and the Dying Girl). Regardless, it’s undeniable that with more words—and more pages—authors have more room to create a more detailed world into which you can escape.

I doubt anyone would bemoan a well-crafted escape.

What’s the longest book you’ve ever read, dear readers? Do you have any recommendations on what I should read next to decompress after It? Sound off in the comments below!

–Ross

It’s Scary Because It’s True.

Spooooky Dravo Cemetery

The ideal time to find out you are camping next to a haunted cemetery is around midnight, after you’ve had lots of beer and are twenty-five miles away from home and on a bicycle. The patrons of June Bug’s Restaurant & Bar in Sutersville were alternately amused and horrified that we were camping next to “Stringtown Cemetery.” According to local legend you can hear babies crying (only if you are a man and only after midnight) and other disturbing sounds. Supernatural Lore of Pennsylvania: Ghosts, Miracles and Monsters writes that you may be chased by a two-headed astral dog from Satan or feel sudden, unexplained cold winds caused by a ghost train. (Brief history of Dravo Cemetery, if you’re interested.)

But you know what scares me more than two-headed Satan dogs? Humans.

True Horror

Helter-Skelter: The True Story of the Manson Murders, Vincent Bugliosi

Even 45 years later, the Manson Family murders have the power to fascinate and chill. In 1969 Los Angeles experienced a series of random murders, including the brutal stabbing of pregnant actress Sharon Tate and the seemingly unrelated murder of grocery store owners, Leno and Rosemary LaBianca . Written by the prosecutor of 1970 trial of Charles Manson, Helter-Skelter is a firsthand account of the cases of Manson, Susan Atkins, Patricia Krenwinkel, and other members of the”Manson Family.”

Anne Perry and the Murder of the Century, Peter Graham

Did you know Anne Perry (the author) is a murderer? In 1954, Juliet Hulme (now Anne Perry) and her best friend, Pauline Parker went for a walk in the woods with Parker’s mother, Honora. Honora Parker was later found “accidentally” bludgeoned to death with a brick. Both girls confessed and were convicted of the crime. Why did they do it? Because Honora Parker wanted to keep them apart. After serving five years in prison, Anne Perry went on to have a successful writing career. See the murder on film in the Peter Jackson directed Heavenly Creatures, starring Kate Winslet as Juliet Hulme.

The Zodiac Killer: Terror and Mystery, Brenda Haugen

After Jack the Ripper, the Zodiac Killer is one of the great unsolved serial killers in history. Starting in 1966 with the murder of student Cheri Jo Bates, the Zodiac killer claims to have murdered 37 people, but investigators believe his victim count was seven, two of whom survived. Taunting the police with cryptic notes and strange cyphers, police eventually ruled out over 2500 potential suspects. The one fingerprint found on a letter has never been matched to a suspect. In 2014 Gary Stewart released a book, The Most Dangerous Animal of All, where he claims that the Zodiac Killer is his biological father, Earl Van Best. As of right now there has never been a definitive DNA test and so it’s still officially unsolved.

The Devil in the White City, Erik Larson

Dr. Henry Howard Holmes is one of the first documented serial killers in American history. He designed an entire hotel with murder in mind. A murder “castle” using multiple builders, so no one knew the exact plan of the building. Except him. It was a perfect killing ground full of soundproof, windowless rooms to suffocate people, gas lines to asphixiate, and a convenient chute to the basement for dead bodies (where even more atrocities occured.) Capitalizing on the crowds converging on Chicago for the 1893 World’s Fair, Holmes eventually confessed to murdering 27 people. However, it’s likely his body count is close to 200.

Under the Banner of Heaven: A Story of Violent Faith, Jon Krakauer

Krakauer combines a history of the Mormon Church with the investigation of a jarring double murder in this devastating book. In 1984 Brenda Lafferty and her infant daughter, Erica, are discovered with their throats brutally cut. Delving into the dark world of the FLDS Krakauer recounts the “revelations” received by Lafferty’s own brother-in-law: revelations that required her “removal” for several offenses, as well as the underlying religious extremism that caused Ron and Dan Lafferty to romanticize and justify killing for God.

Friendlier in the morning.

For the record, we never heard any babies crying, we never saw any kind of dog, astral or otherwise, and all the trains we heard were real. The worst part of the trip was cold feet- because I forgot socks.

Happy Halloween!

suzy

Me Read Book

Usually, I don’t like to read hard books.  Fundamentally, it may be because I’m just lazy, but I think it has more to do with the escapism. I read books to immerse myself in another world and I often find myself gravitating to the books that most smoothly create this other world. But, occasionally I do enjoy something a little bit tougher and this is about two books that I found particularly challenging. Of course, this could just show how much of a Neanderthal I am when it comes to the written word. We shall see.

One of the most interesting and absorbing books I’ve ever read would have to be  House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski. I found out about this book from a conversation that I had with two friends one afternoon. Friend #1 read the book and found it to be creepy and weird and very rewarding. Friend #2 found the book to be too difficult to read and couldn’t finish it. Intrigued, I borrowed the book off of Friend #2 and proceeded to read it.  I can’t recall how long it took me to finish, but I remember it being a while.  Originally published and circulated by hand, the officially released book retains that DIY feeling.  When holding it in your hands, it almost still feels warm like a pile of pages straight off the copying machine. The book has three distinct levels to it and each level maintains its own unique shifting text and page layouts. Level 1 recounts the life of a young man who finds a dead blind man’s trunk that is stuffed with information meticulously describing a video that the blind man seems to have at some point watched.  Except that he is blind.  And the video never even existed. And neither did the family that the video is supposed to be made by. But that doesn’t stop him from describing it so complexly and completely that it becomes real and begins to affect his life. Level 2 consists of the blind man’s story that the young man is able to put together from his belongings.  Level 3 consists of the story of the family that the video is about, documenting what happens after they find that the interior of their home is actually bigger than the exterior.  Both Levels 2 and 3 begin to have terrifying effects on Level 1 as the young man delves deeper and deeper into the fictional mythology. Does that even make any sense? My point is that this book does what Inception wished it could have. It creates a revolving set of fictional worlds that weave throughout the story and forces the reader to physically manipulate the book in a variety of ways to finish it. I will admit that I didn’t read all of the footnotes.

The second book, I didn’t have as much success with.  After finishing the Invisibles, a genre and gender bending, weirdo punk rock comic series by Grant Morrison, I heard some rumblings about the Illuminatus Trilogy by Robert Shea and Robert Anton Wilson.  It was to contain a lot of what made the Invisibles great. When reading, I got the distinct feeling that almost every contemporary conspiracy theory got its humble beginnings in these 816 pages, of which I made it to 786. I finished a paragraph in the middle of a chapter and just stopped. I couldn’t take it anymore. This isn’t to say that it is not good. In fact, I’d probably say that the book is great. Like House of Leaves, the history that it tackles is meticulously researched and outlined for the reader. Alternate viewpoints to actual historical events are complex and believable. The mythology of chaos and the religion of Discordianism are introduced with all the confusion that they represent. Perspective changes happen without warning and often times in the middle of a paragraph. Time and space are bent and broken, often times leaving the reader stranded in entirely unfamiliar landscapes. This book is not for the weak of mind. I failed at finishing this, but that shouldn’t discourage you. As pointed out earlier, I am a bit of a halfwit. Get out there and take the Illuminatus Trilogy challenge. Or you could just read the Invisibles and Sewer, Gas and Electric (The Public Works Trilogy) and call it even.

-Christopher