Tag Archives: advice

Ideal Bookshelves

A thoughtful relative gave me a copy of My Ideal Bookshelf, a collection of essays in which famous people in a variety of fields talk about the books that are most important to them. You’ll find essays from luminaries like Alice Waters and James Franco, as well as from people who are prominent in their fields, but not necessarily “famous.” The gorgeous illustrations that bring each person’s choices to life are colorful and exciting, a wonderful reminder of just how much emotional and psychological resonance physical books still hold for many people. You can learn more about the project, which is the brainchild of Jane Mount and Thessaly LaForce, at the book’s companion website, which also features many other ideal bookshelves on various themes, from Jane Austen to sci-fi, available as prints, paintings and note cards. You can even submit your own ideal bookshelf for custom design!

At first I was overwhelmed by the thought of picking only ten books that were meaningful for me–couldn’t I just have an Ideal Bookcase? But on reflection–and sober contemplation of my savings–I decided that I’d better think about it a little harder. I’ve whittled down the many, many books that have danced through my life over the years to a list of five that have a special meaning. The other ones? Well, you’ll just have to ask me about them next time you visit the library!

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The Snarkout Boys & the Avocado of Death, Daniel Pinkwater.

Walter, our hero, is introduced to the art of snarking out–sneaking out of the house at night to go to the 24-hour movie theater–by his friend Winston. Walter and Winston are bored with the lack of academic challenge at their school and the tedium of their everyday lives, so when a typical night of snarking out turns into an adventure involving a missing scientist and his greatest invention, the boys are definitely up for the challenge.

This novel was the first book I’d ever read that implied there’s a lot of interesting things going on underneath the surface of everyday life. It was also the first book I’d read that criticized teachers who give tons of busywork instead of actually teaching, something to which I could, sadly, relate all too well. For good or ill, I credit Snarkout Boys for making me the contrarian adventurer I am today.

The Heidi Chronicles, Wendy Wasserstein.

Heidi Holland lives through some exciting times, but she isn’t always sure what to make of them as they pass by. Between glimpses of Heidi in her current life as a feminist art historian, the reader is treated to long scenes from various times in Heidi’s life: trying to figure out boys; discovering consciousness-raising, radical politics, and good sex; and navigating the shallow, greedy culture of 80s materialism, to name but a few. Can a determined young woman live life on her terms? Heidi Holland can, and does, but it’s not easy.

Of all the shows my college theater group produced,  Heidi Chronicles was my favorite. I had only one scene, but I went to as many rehearsals as I could so I would understand how this baffling, cultural-reference-riddled play (I had to stop and look something up in just about every line of dialogue) could ever come to life. Between the words on the page and the skillful architecture of the stage, I came to understand a lot more about art history, women’s history, and feminism. Theater really should be seen and heard, as well as read, so try the digital audio version on for size, too.

Cooking for Dummies, Bryan Miller.

Although IDG’s “Dummies” series takes a lot of good-natured ribbing for their approach, this particular title is extremely helpful. Miller’s introduction to kitchen skills covers basic tools and techniques for the beginner kitchen wizard, then moves on to simple foods, like salads and pasta, that are pretty hard to screw up. Once you’ve got those under your belt, you can move on to strategies for shopping, meal planning, and dinner parties. Miller ends the book with lists of books and resources to consult next, ensuring that you can take your cooking up to the next level, if you want. Perfect for new college grads, or anyone else who’s tired of relying on take-out and the microwave.

This book saved me from a lifetime of eating frozen dinners. I was trying to get serious about exercising and losing weight, so I thought it would be a good idea to learn to cook properly, too (go big, or go home). Miller’s book gave me the basic kitchen skills I needed and the confidence to try more advanced dishes, and I plan to give it as a gift to all the kids in my life when they’re ready to strike out on their own. This is also the very first book I ever checked out of the Carnegie Library of Pittsburgh.

The Time Traveler’s Wife, Audrey Niffenegger.

Henry’s rare genetic anomaly randomly sends him back and forth in time; Clare’s life follows a normal, sequential pattern. Their asynchronous love affair is magical, passionate, and exciting, but also fraught with difficulty. After all, it’s exasperating when the person you love can vanish at any moment, and it’s no picnic for the vanisher, either. Is this a love story for the ages or a train wreck waiting to happen? Literary romance fans who haven’t devoured this book should bump it to the top of their lists, at once.

I’m not the sort of person who reads popular books at the same time everyone else is reading them. I made an exception, though, the year I went to library school, and everybody was swooning over this book. A time-traveling librarian? How could we notIt was the first time I’d been on the same page–literally and figuratively–with a group of friends over a book, and the fact that we were all working hard, studying hard, and partying hard together made it even more meaningful and worthwhile.

Tiny Beautiful Things, Cheryl Strayed.

Strayed’s collection of tough-love advice, collated from her tenure as advice columnist “Dear Sugar” on The Rumpus, is tough, tender, hilarious and heartbreaking. Strayed’s overall tone is warm and friendly, making you feel as if you’re sitting in the kitchen–or maybe a coffee shop–with the very best kind of friend: someone warm and sympathetic, but unafraid to call you on your crap, if need be. Letter-writers bare their souls on topics from the loss of a child to professional envy of a friend, and Strayed answers them all the even-tempered wisdom that is hard-won by those who have seen, and survived, many of life’s more unpleasant aspects.

When I grow up, I want to be just like Cheryl Strayed. She’s endured a great deal in her life, but she didn’t let it make her bitter. She writes with both wisdom and humor. She knows when cuss words make a piece of writing work, and when to use gentler language.  And she genuinely cares about the people who write to her, and wants to help them achieve their highest potential. Those aren’t bad things to aspire to, methinks, and I ask myself sometimes, “What would Cheryl say?” when I ponder my own dilemmas. Hopefully keeping this book handy will keep me grounded and sensible–but not too sensible–as I navigate my 40s.

Your turn: what books would be on your ideal bookshelf? Tell us about a book that means a lot to you, or reminds you of a specific time in your life.

–Leigh Anne

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Midlife Marathon Musings

The Pittsburgh Marathon, which seemed so far off when I registered for it, is only five days away now. Since I’m not a runner (yet), I signed up to walk the half-marathon, which seemed like a reasonable goal for a healthy newbie pushing 40. After months of training, I’m pretty confident that I will finish, and I can’t wait to earn my participation medal. But what I’m really excited about is that I’ll be crossing the finish line with a friend. Because for me, nothing beats having a wacky idea like having a wacky idea, sharing it, and hearing someone else say, “Hey, I want to do that too!”

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Popular internet meme, current example spotted here

Life itself, of course, is also a marathon, but with fewer rest stops and not a single musical group out there to cheer you on. Some people travel alone, others in packs. The course can be steep and uneven, but it can also be breathtaking, and you can go as fast or as slowly as you want. Even if you never get up off the couch–a move experts don’t recommend—you’re in the race. Might as well make it a team effort, right?

And then there’s Midlife , that weird and wonderful time where you start getting serious about your physical health and your inner landscape. You re-examine your friendships. You worry about being a good role model to the kids in your life. The literal and metaphorical race becomes less of a sprint, more of an endurance challenge, as the milestones and checkpoints fly by. If you’re lucky, you have wise mentors ahead of you, shouting back encouragement, and whippersnappers behind you to nip at your heels and keep you sharp. But mostly, you’re looking for people moving at the same pace you are, to help you make sense of the whole experience…and to share cultural references with, of course. Not to mention, to keep you from taking it all too seriously.

Back in the world of the literal, I’m ready to wake up at a ridiculous hour Sunday morning so we can get one of the good parking spaces downtown. My shoes are broken in. I’ve studied the course map. I know where the water stations are. And we’ve walked our regular training route into the ground, building up both speed and endurance over time. Whether you’ll be walking with us, running ahead of us, or wishing us well from the couch, I hope your own race is a good one. For my part, I promise not to litter on the course, and to appreciate every step of the way. Any other advice for the journey you may have is welcomed with an open heart and a grateful spirit.

–Leigh Anne

who seems to have inhaled a philosophical streak along with that birthday cake

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To my niece on her 18th birthday

To you,

You’re 18 today. I remember the day you were born and while it doesn’t seem like yesterday, it definitely doesn’t seem like it was eighteen years ago. You’re going off to college in a few months and while I know very little about anything, I thought I’d offer you some advice.

Here are some quotes I’ve collected over the years to inspire myself and I hope a few or all will help you, if not now, then someday.

“Be brave enough to break your own heart.” – Cheryl Strayed, author of Wild and Tiny Beautiful Things. I have a poster with that saying on it and some of the best days I’ve had are days when I take that advice to heart.

“Don’t plant your bad days. They grow into weeks. The weeks grow into months. Before you know it, you got yourself a bad year. Take it from me. Choke those little bad days. Choke ’em down to nothin’.”- Tom Waits

“Everyone must dream. We dream to give ourselves hope. To stop dreaming- well, that’s like saying you can never change your fate.”- Amy Tan

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.'”- Mary Anne Radmacher

“There’s power in looking silly and not caring that you do.”- Amy Poehler

“Only hang around people that are positive and make you feel good. Anybody who doesn’t make you feel good, kick them to the curb and the earlier you start in your life, the better. The minute anybody makes you feel weird and non-included or not supported, you know, either beat it or tell them to beat it.” That’s another Amy Poehler quote. Just listen to pretty much anything Amy Poehler says. She’s the best person ever. (Besides you.)

Always remember that I love and continually root for you.

Love, Auntu

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Writer’s Block Party!

Are you working on your acceptance speech for Best Original Screenplay as we speak?  Is there a draft copy of the Next Great American Novel hidden away on your hard drive?  Do you secretly harbor Walter Mitty-esque fantasies about chucking your conventional career for the unpredictable, yet sometimes glamorous, world of freelance writing? Of course you do! You’ve got big dreams. You want fame!

Well, I hear fame costs…but the Carnegie Library’s collection of support materials for creative writers of all stripes can help you move a little closer to your goals, without a huge investment of start-up capital. Here’s a sample of the kinds of materials we provide:

We also make sure to keep copies of several key writers’ tools at the second floor reference desk.  These include the most recent editions of Writer’s Market, Poet’s Market*, and Literary Market Place. Why not treat yourself to an afternoon at the library doing research, and save your hard-earned cash for that congratulatory round of drinks you plan to buy when your brilliant screenplay finally gets picked up by a major media mogul?

Obviously we can’t guarantee you fame, fortune, or a seat next to David Hyde Pierce at the Tonys. We can, however, provide the tools and the atmosphere you’ll need to at least get going in the right direction.

Dream on, creative writers. We can’t wait to say we knew you when.

–Leigh Anne

*Fret not, folks – we’d love it if you’d come sit a spell, but if you absolutely can’t, we do carry circulating back issues of these publications. Just make sure to double-check contact information before you submit, lest your heartbreaking work of staggering genius go to an incorrect address.

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Non-fiction fix: Loads of lovely love

Today is my parents’ 38th wedding anniversary – how cool is that?  Staying with the same person for more than three decades is no mean feat, especially since the complexities of loving and being loved are among the thorniest mysteries of being alive.

Whether you’re happily married, single and satisfied, desperately seeking somebody, or all up in your companion animals, the library’s got loads of lovely love for you. Here’s sample of the helpful advice, warm fuzzies and snarky laughter waiting for you in our collection:

A Practical Handbook for the Boyfriend, Felicity Huffman and Patricia Wolff. With their tongues wedged so firmly in their cheeks they look like squirrels hoarding nuts for winter, Huffman and Wolff offer suggestions for men who want to be good boyfriends. It’s a bit like training for The A Team, apparently. Who knew? If their advice works out for you, you can move on to The Mr. and Mrs. Happy Handbook and Why Did I Marry You Anyway?.

Career Renegade, Jonathan Fields. Life is short, and you spend most of it at work. Shouldn’t you be doing something you love? See also Living Your Heart’s Desire and A Life at Work for some thoughts about crafting a career with soul and spirit.

One Big Happy Family, Rebecca Walker. It’s a complicated world, and there are as many ways to relate to a person as there are individuals to love. Walker’s collection showcases the triumphs and challenges of non-traditional family structures by giving a voice to the people who embody them.  See also Opening Up, Together Forever and Best Date Ever.

The Powerful Bond Between People and Pets, P. Elizabeth Anderson. Ever wonder why people lavish so much money and time on critters that can’t talk back (in human language)? Anderson, a clinical psychologist, examines the compelling pull of a fuzzy face on the human heart, and shows how that bond plays out in various social contexts.

Chicken Soup for the Soul: Divorce and Recovery, Jack Canfield. You may be down, but you don’t have to be out. This particular serving of Canfield’s signature soup is designed to give you the gumption to heal up, then get up and get back in the game. Those who prefer a more tough-love approach to healing might enjoy the “cover your bases” approach of The Sweet Potato Queens’ Wedding Planner and Divorce Guide.  Before you know it, you’ll be ready to take another shot at marriage (or, possibly, not).

With all due respect to my mom and dad, the thought of spending more than thirty years with the same person kind of gives me the wiggins. I’m open to the possibility that I could change my mind, especially for the right person. But for now, life seems pretty good.  I’ve got two adorable cats, one interesting gentleman caller (who, incidentally, doesn’t need the Huffman book), and a career I adore.  On top of that, the career part involves working in a 114-year-old building packed to the brim with fabulous co-workers (plus more books and materials than they’ll let me check out at any one time), and helping all of you find interesting and educational books to read.  Who could ask for anything more?

Your turn, constant reader:  who, or what, do you love?

–Leigh Anne

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Calling all parents!

Parenting is probably one of the most wonderful and scary things anyone can experience. From deciding to have children, to making or getting them, to feeding them, to raising them, and uh, getting rid of them. It’s like a big science experiment.

Well, it doesn’t have to be entirely random, since as you probably know, there are a lot of books on the subject! And what better way to figure out which ones are useful and essential than to borrow them from the library? Talk about advice that you can take or leave! A couple of titles you might like to get you started are of course, Dr. Spock’s Baby and Child Care, or the upcoming Confident Baby Care: What You Need to Know for the First Year from America’s Most Trusted Nanny, by Jo Frost

Are there particular issues that you need some extra support with? Whether it’s ADD or autism or wanting to know what they’re doing on the computer all day, or learning to be a stepmother, there is probably a book or two on the topic!

Sometimes the best way to understand something is through other people’s experiences, fictional or not. Some wonderful novels that feature a parent’s perspective are Hens Dancing, by Raffaella Barker and Belong to Me, by Marisa de los Santos. And of course, no one does memoirs like Anne Lamott, whose Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son’s First Year is not only hilarious, but can even help you with a colicky baby.

Really, though, isn’t the incredible and beautiful thing about parenting seeing how “in the moment” children are, enjoying and exploring life as it comes? Well, speaking of exploring and enjoying life, what’s coming this week is Summer Reading for everyone! This Sunday (June 8th) afternoon is Carnegie Library of Pittsburgh’s Summer Reading Extravaganza, with free food, music, games, crafts, and of course, books for everyone! It will be in front of the Main Library, from 12-5pm. Starting that day, you can register for Summer Reading, where just by reading books and logging them, you can win bi-weekly prizes, like gift certificates and free books. Finish five books by August 31st, and you could be eligible for the Grand Prize! It’s fun for everyone! To register, come on down to Extravaganza on Sunday, or check back here for details!

-Kaarin

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