While I do have some fond memories of watching instructional films in elementary school, they mainly involve shoving desks around the classroom, sitting on the cold linoleum floor until my butt went numb, and that one time in second grade when the projector overheated and started smoking (true story; not a Simpsons flashback). The films themselves, I don’t remember so well.
Fortunately, I can relive all of those glorious instructional moments with the help of a little series called the Educational Archives. Each one is packed full of information on everything you’ll ever need to know, from why it’s wonderful to be a girl to the importance of soap. You’ll even learn exactly why stealing a car is such a bad idea.
We also have a fine two-volume set from Kino – How to Be a Man and How to Be a Woman (those were the only choices you had back then). Apparently, to be a man one must be trustworthy and plan for success, while to be a woman one must improve one’s personality, learn how to make a sandwich, and say no to sex.
Many of these adventures in moral education come from a company called Coronet Instructional Films, and can be viewed online for free thanks to the Internet Archive. Here’s a little gem with a catchy title: Are You Popular?
So remember to study hard and respect your elders, and you’ll succeed in life. Now go make me a sandwich.*
* Poof! You’re a sandwich!