Brad Pitt? No, thank you. Johnny Depp? Eh. Josh Hartnett? I don’t think so. Bruce Campbell? You’re getting closer. You see, Bruce may be a dashing movie star but more importantly, he isn’t such a bad writer. In fact, his memoir, If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a B Movie Actor is self-deprecating, funny, and genuine.
Do you ever develop crushes on a writer while reading his or her work? I am definitely prone to developing romantic feelings for various writers out there, and this post is dedicated to you, all of my Literary Significant Others.
1. Kurt Vonnegut. Kurt and I go way back. I remember reading Breakfast of Champions for the first time. First he made me laugh, then he made me cry, and then he stole my heart. RIP, my dear.
2. Garrison Keillor. Oh, Garrison. Listening to you narrate Lake Wobegon Summer 1956 back and forth to work for 2 weeks was one of my greatest joys. The way you use words to paint hilarious, ridiculous pictures of small town life in rural Minnesota just stole my heart. Don’t worry about the reviews on Amazon accusing you of being vulgar and adolescent, Garrison. That kind of humor resonates with many of us.
3. Al Franken. Al, you’ve got it all: brains, guts, wit, and you earn your keep by skewering all the political figures I don’t like. Don’t worry if you don’t get elected to the U.S. Senate this year: You’ll always be the U.S. Senator of my heart.
4. Christopher Durang. Who else could write a play in which all the characters dismember themselves and while their body parts are strewn about the stage, still say their wonderful, funny lines? Absurd, satirical hilarity at it’s best.
5. Christopher Moore. You charmed me with the riotously vampyrical (why isn’t that a word?) Blood Sucking Fiends: A Love Story, but you proved your greatness with The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror, A Dirty Job, and of course You Suck: A Love Story.
That’s all I can think of for now, but I would also like to note a few honorable mentions: Richard Grant, David Sedaris, and girl crushes Anne Lamott, Jane Eyre (even though she’s “just” a character), and Jane Austen.
Who are your literary crushes / significant others/ stalkees? I need some fresh blood.
–Bonnie
Eleventh Stack 